Never bake cookies are not to be confused with the familiar no bake cookies. Never bake cookies are literally cookies you should never bake. Ever.
Most likely you have been a victim of the sly baker who adds twisted ingredients like flax seeds, chia seeds, or oat bran to cookie dough in an attempt to save your life. These are the cookies I’m talking about. We don’t want our lives saved through a cookie. All you do is make us angry.
I know. I was a child of anger. Angry at the cookies my mom would bake. Maybe I would have been ok with seedy grain cookies if I’d grown up with them. But my life started out with wonderful cookies until I the day I was in fourth grade when my mom went down the wrong section of the library.
This dreadful aisle was the food conspiracy section. Shelves were filled with books about how our food was killing us and the grocery stores were at fault along with the entire food industry. She devoured these books. And once my mom got her head filled with this new information she gave our pantry an enema.